Some folks might think I’m off my rocker for having my baby nieces as much as I do. After all, I’m nearly 40 and my “baby” is going to be 11 in a few months. Why would I want to spend so much time changing diapers, mid-night feedings and such...double time at that?
Those of you who were connected to me on 360 probably remember how devastated I was when I had to get my tubes tied. My “plan” was to find the man of my dreams by 40 (HAH!), marry him and have his baby, my last. My one more chance for a girl...
Well, when I was diagnosed with kidney disease, that dream went up in smoke. Another pregnancy would drain the remaining function they had and I’d be on dialysis from that point on.
I didn’t want to hear that. I threw myself a giant pity party and wallowed until one of my friends went “sistagurl” on my ass and got me straight. Made me look at the life and children I already have and reminded me that you can appreciate what you’ve got or in hindsight appreciate what you had if it’s taken from you.
I had the surgery almost right away (as if I was having sex then) but I wasn’t ok with it for a few months. Shortly after I finally accepted it and dealt with it, I heard that my brother possibly had another child on the way. He never said a word to me about it, so I took that news with a grain of salt.
One spring day he came into my office and announced that my nieces were about to make their debut...that day. Wow. By the time he got back to the hospital, they were here. I fell for them that day.
I felt a little cheated because I found out at such a late date that they were coming. I didn’t get to rub the belly to feel them kick or have the opportunity to really get to expect them (I think only parents will understand that statement).
With the accounts of Lil FiGi (via journal and blogs), I not only get to live vicariously through Starrdust, but I remember what my personal experiences were along the way of my pregnancies. I suppose that the combination of the babies and Starr’s writings are what I needed to get over my “loss” because I’m enjoying my babies and am anxiously awaiting little Gianna’s arrival.
AMEN!!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been told for years that I may not be able to have kids. No REAL concrete proof, but due to my weight and some other issues going on internally... But I always said I wanted to get married before I have kids. SO Neither has happened *yet... there is still hope I am only 34*... BUT regardless, I often had pity parties for myself. Because not only was I told I COULDN'T have kids, my brother swore he would never have a child... Well EVEN SUPERMAN HAS KRYPTONITE... My sister in law whooped him into shape and now I am a proud Auntie of 2 BEAUTIFUL NIECES *i still want a nephew lol*. Not to mention I have 3 godsons and 3 beautiful little cousins, all local. AND 3 more cousins I have never met in Massachusetts on my dad's side of the family. I am very abundantly blessed even if I never have kids, I will be 51 by the time my youngest niece and godbaby turn 18 LOL... So God works it out even if it isn't how we thought it would or should be. Love ya' Deedles*
Its amazing how we reach these stumbling blocks in life and think that all hope is lost. I know that just by what I see on this net and the comments you make I dont really know you, but from talking from you, as of late, you dont sound like a person thats gonna let the world overtake you. You may not marry that perfect man by 40, but then again you never know... And even still, you may not have his baby, the girl you've wanted, but life goes on. You find joy in other areas, like seeing those little babies grow up and helping to mold them. And although Im not mother yet, I've helped to raise 5 kids, all of which have been in my life since their first breath, but i treat them as my own. I'll be 33 years old this December and I've been coming to some very hard realities. I always said I didnt want kids, sometimes because I wanted to be married first, because I didnt wanna end up being a single mom, and mostly because of fear of messing up some innocent childs life. I dont see having a little one in my near future, but I do have kids, that are just like my own...
ReplyDeleteSo, its good to hear that you're somewhat resolved in your mind over this and finding happiness with those around you...
But the next time you fall asleep on me while Im talking, theres gone be hell to pay... lol
you know what hunny i totally understand where you commin from.
ReplyDeletefolks 4eva askin me y i am i puttin ma life on hold to darn near raise ma great niece and they dont get it when i explain. my niece is 18 working part time finishing high school and going to school to be a nail tech so she needs help with Abril. but Abril is my lil girl in ways they dont understand. shes not my 1st great niece by far but shes been the closest to my heart because the time around when i found out she was comming i was in the process of trying to find a way around haveing a hystorectomy @ 22 years old thats a touch blow. i msy never have a child of my own but Abril is enough. i look @ her and feel "a mother's love" its hard to really explain. but as i type this n look at her asleep in her bouncer i know i am blessed beyond anything i could ask for
Adoption or foster mothering might be an option. I can't even lie. I don't like kids. Love them from a distance, but don't like them. Hence the boy remaining an only child. I even considering having another one, under the right circumstances (the 1st time was not a good experience). Like you, he never came, but unlike I couldn't wait to close up shop.
ReplyDeleteAs far as lil Miss Figi goes, she'll be Taurean ($5.00 says May 3) and when she's cutting up Starr will call her Lil Mo' (part of her middle name). She's fabulous already! :o)
Just mean... lol
ReplyDeleteTHAT's the mean part!! LOL *running out and avoiding the parking block*
ReplyDelete*sniffle* ok...I can't even comment right now due to overwhelming emotion for a few reasons...but I will be back when I pull myself together.
ReplyDeleteI really had not planned on bloggin FiGi as much as I have...but I just couldn't help it...this has been an amazing experience...and as difficult as it has been...i wouldn't change a thing. I'm just glad that by me writing & sharing that it could touch someone else...
*sniffle*
Hmph!
ReplyDeleteBig Mo' & Lil Mo' shaking y'all off! *2 snaps!* HAHA
ReplyDeleteSlowly pushes M and M behind me and gets into a momma bear stance. LOL
ReplyDeletelol
ReplyDelete(whispers to someone... Starr seems a little emotional today.. do we know if they scheduled a c-section ?)
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. I think I am coming to the realization that I won't be having anymore kids. The older kids are the ones that tug at my heartstrings. Today I taught a class of 6 and 7 year olds about money. Afterward this one little girl came up and hugged me. I nearly busted out in tears. Seeing other little kids together also reminds me that my youngun is probably gonna be an only child. His teacher says nearly everyday at the end of school he tries to get one of the other kids to come home with him. And it breaks my heart when he asks me for a sister or brother. It's not like I can go out and just GET him a brother or sister. Maybe I can borrow other folks kids. LOL
ReplyDeleteYet another reason you are my twin. After lil man's dad passed, I hoped for the same, a good man and another baby. At 37, the chances are getting slimmer and slimmer.
ReplyDeleteI thought God had answered my prayers when it seemed I would be able to adopt my god-daughter. The BS I went through on that was heart-breaking. I'm still wondering why God allowed me to go through it, but I know He knows and His will be done. I would love to have another child or two, but I have to give it to Him.
*sigh* no C section or induction...at least not yet...even tho I begged for it
ReplyDeleteCool ya jets Moma Bear! LOL I love the youngins...the kind that can go home!
ReplyDeleteI would've given my right arm to be an only child. LOL I've always been kinda selfish in that respect.
ReplyDeleteMy son however loves his 1/2 siblings and wouldn't fared well as a true only child.
**throws rocks at your OB/GYN**
ReplyDeleteI'm 31, no kids, no husband, no prospects, hell NOT EVEN A SUSPECT (but I digress). Ten years ago, no one could have told me that I'd be this age with NO KIDS, NO MAN, NO HUSBAND. I've learned to love my independence and freedom of not having any children however, at the same time, I find myself wanting a family structure. I love my (almost grown) nephew to pieces though.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog.
Awwww they are too cute!!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm the same way with my niece. In fact I already have it in my head, something happens to my sister, my niece comes to live with me. No questions asked!!!
Make sure it's done legally because if something happens, best believe the courts will likely want the child placed with a natural parent.
ReplyDeleteOh trust me my sister has already taken care of that. Natural parent ain't doing a damn thing, and she has already made it known anything happens I or our Mom has full legal custody. But I will confirm to make sure.
ReplyDelete