First and foremost, keep it respectful...
I came across this after a heated conversation on Rippa's blog the other day and I really wanted to have all the attitude about this that a sista could muster up, but after listening to him, I have to reluctantly admit, he's made some valid points.
Well...
ReplyDeleteLike dude say, the "top shelf" white women don't want an average joe Black man. you know I live in Alabama and you just need to see most of the Black man/White woman combos down here *smh*
On the other hand, I don't care how wealthy I become and I live in an affluent suburb, I know I will still go out my way for a Nubian Queen.
No cream in my coffee please.
So long story short, it's about class, not race. That I can understand. We have to agree though that they are SOME that actively seek the "other" for stereotypical reasons...(the whole 'white women are docile', 'black women are too strong', etc.).
ReplyDeleteBut one thing about black women, it seems more of us are willing to date seemingly under our status (blue collar man, white collar woman)..that was touched upon in Rippa's blog with ratio of educated successful black women and their chances of meeting an available brother in the same social strata is more difficult. More of us sistahs are in college vs. the number of black men in prison...
But personally, I really don't care who ppl choose to date. You are not stealing anyone from me..However, I really do feel for my single sistahs and the plight of finding eligible, successful BLACK men to date/mate/marry who are interested in being with an equally, if not more so, successful, attractive, beautiful sistah.
Deedles...yes he did have some good points..But I know a lot of sistas that live in the burbs that got it going on....and they're single...Brothas if you're interested, let a sista know...LOL Just have your stuff together! For real! I think it's more sistas with their stuff together than most men...Also, white men don't have a problem coming on to us black women..LOL For real...we ain't out there sweating them but they know how to step up when they want a little brown sugar.
ReplyDeleteYes some black men..LIKE Wesley stinky Snipes have a serious issue with black women...
I really don't care about who people date..I really don't as long as they don't publicly put down or degrade my blackness as to why they don't want to look my way..Hey Deedles..my daughter Ronnie is dating a white guy..It just kinda happen..wasn't looking but she has so much in common with him...so she says...
Please, let's leave the reptiles outta this! UGH
ReplyDeleteSome have real issues with that though. I remember at a college reunion, a girl who didn't have a big time job at a corporation, probably working class like a lot of us, was complaining because she went to the gas station one day and the clerk behind the counter asked her out on a date. She laughed at him and basically said she was out of his league.
ReplyDeleteI looked at her like she had 4 heads. Are you serious? Dude is working. Came at you in a respectful manner and asked you out, not asked for ass, and you turned him down because he works at a gas station?
I guess I have much different values than she does. The fact that he has a job is a plus to me. My argument with her was based on the fact that she knocked him down without even giving him a chance. For all she knew, he could be at his part time job. For all she knew, he could have owned the station. It's shallow people like her that people base their opinions on when they look at black women in general, I THINK...
Gurl, after I read that EBONY interview a few years back...I couldn't believe that Man...that came from a black woman said those words...You can't pay me enough to watch any of his movies...for real...
ReplyDeleteI hate when black men put down black women as an excuse why they date outside the race...Really, black men...black women don't really care..well most black women...we just don't like lametailed explanations and degradation that some black men used to explain why...Shoot, you're a growntailed man...be and do u..go on and date..just don't lump all black women in your category.
I guess I have much different values than she does. The fact that he has a job is a plus to me. My argument with her was based on the fact that she knocked him down without even giving him a chance. For all she knew, he could be at his part time job. For all she knew, he could have owned the station. It's shallow people like her that people base their opinions on when they look at black women in general, I THINK...
ReplyDeleteAmen Deedles....To me a job is a big plus..but a man without a vision and not actively working a plan is such a big turn off...Gotta have someone wanting to improve himself and not accepting the handouts the world throws at him...
I have a few friends like that...and guess what...they are beautiful and lovely but they can't get a date...for real...I mean for real.
How ironic would it have been if it turned out he owned the station and several others. You just never know. Sadly, shallow and ignorant comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
ReplyDeleteI don't think he deserves to be called a man. His attitude is pathetic.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman who has dated across racial lines, I will say men have come to me with that Snipes attitude and have promptly gotten the door shut in their face. I don't put up with that. If you can't respect women regardless of the color of their skin, keep it moving.
The men that I've had relationships with were not with me because I was white, but because I was me.
This is true! I actually get offended when someone says to me either "You Women" or "You Black Women"...judge me on my own merit because I have more funky idiosyncrasies than a few, that I can't say every other woman, black, white or otherwise shares with me.
ReplyDelete^5 Twin!
ReplyDeleteWhat the hell???? Not all black women live across the freakin railroad tracks.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to say here. I'm at a loss for words.
You said it all here lady!
ReplyDeleteI believe that "preferences" should not be biases. If one, like me prefers pretty girls with glasses, then that doesn't mean that the ones without glasses are worthless, or beneath my attention. I find that when one wants to frame their preferences at the expense of someone else, then they are fooling themselves by creating a lie that they can believe in.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that if one chooses a certain ethnic group over another, then that should reflect their cultural bent. But, when one says they like a certain race BECAUSE of the supposed shortcomings of another, then that too is another lie they are telling themselves.
I personally find such discussions less than useful unless one just likes to have cocktail party arguments.
Well said! I'm curious Don...I've "heard" you say it several times before, but what is it about pretty girls with glasses? I find different attractions of others fascinating.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I can say...maybe it's the "good girl" thing...don't know. But, when you throw in the glasses along with one long French braid, pleated skirts, and bangs...well, you've got my attention!
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!!
*read the comments, now I am running like a crazy person from this topic*
ReplyDeleteYou are a crazy person...has nothing to do with the topic at hand...*vroom*
ReplyDeleteOMG...we just had this conversation. My cousin is dating a white man and she thinks she has to warn everybody about him. He is a wonderful man and he adores her and her daughter. My aunt which is older (60's) told her...if he's good to you who cares. I don't see color when it comes to people. Alot of sistas get mad when they see a black man with a white woman...if she makes him happy the so be it b/c if I was to get a white man or any other color and he makes me happy...so be it. It seems to me that black women we are trained to think black, we never look beyond that. I want to be happy in live and if that means outside my race or ecomonic status then so be it.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I can't say I don't see color...
ReplyDeleteI used to say that, but I realize that I do. I see color and I appreciate our differences, but I don't base my relationships (be it friendship or otherwise) because of color.
The only time interracial unions bother me is when one person feels the need to either deny their ethnicity or expect their partner to put theirs aside to "fit in". Be yourself. That's how I determine whether you'll be Deedle's friend or not.
Amen. Well said.
ReplyDeleteTo explain my "I see color" remark, I'll say this...
ReplyDeleteafter 9/11, for the longest and I'm ashamed to say even sometimes now, when I pass someone obviously of middle eastern descent, I feel uncomfortable.
If I'm in the presence of tattooed, white guys on motorcycles with shaven heads, my radar goes up, just the same as if I walk past a group of young black men (or young ladies) with sagging pants and braids.
I see their color no matter how much I want to say I don't. I do know the reality of judging them by only what I see limits me and that's something I need to work on.
Twin, I think we all do some profiling to some point. What I noticed in your description is not just color, but things tattoos, braids, etc.
ReplyDeleteJust for your own personal safety, sometimes our radar needs to be up a little. The world we live in is insane, but we also have to be mindful that those who wish us harm or would do us harm can also look nothing like what you described.
On the flip side I have an uncle who looks like your stereotypical scary Hell's Angel kind of guy...but the guy is the biggest softy you've ever met. He organized a bike run to collect stuffed animals for abused kids. You just never know.
I tried my best to explain that, I see someone understood, then again, we're so alike, lol.
ReplyDeleteI may respond to all this talk with a blog of my own -- I got some thoughts on this
ReplyDeleteThe funny thing about this... where I work I see different people of all races and socioeconomic levels. I have seen saggy pants wearing foul mouthed young bucks, sk8r boyz, goth chicks, the tatted and the pierced. And I have felt some weirdness to a degree. But when I got robbed at my job last June, it was by a guy in his early to mid 40s, average height, brown hair and brown eyes, who looked like a slightly developmentally delayed but otherwise semi normal guy. He dressed in jeans and a polo shirt. Nothing I would ever have considered threatening... so you really NEVER can tell... sad that we gotta look out for ourselves like that...
ReplyDeletePS Rippa makes some good points, but sometimes not in such an eloquent manner... and when cosmic co-signs him... oh lawd. I just try to stay away from topics that are too deep. I am about having fun and loving my friends.
ReplyDeleteNow about the interracial topic, I date black men yes i do,and probably always will prefer to date black men. I also like hispanic men to a degree, but that is just because I find them way more attractive than white or asian men. I don't know if this is bad but I do date outside my race, but not outside my religion. Not saying I never would, but I strongly prefer someone who I would share my future with to be a believer in Jesus.
I ain't mad him. He makes sense to me. I can understand how its not all cut and dry in every situation, but at least for the one's that don't have a hidden agenda or aspirations to settle down with or even just be on the hunt to get with a white woman... this is a sensible arguement for that group.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I have to get over it!
ReplyDeleteNow that's something hard for me to go against.
ReplyDelete(and I agree, I love Rippa but sometimes it's safer to watch from the sidelines!)
Hey, I say people keep your options open. Love is color blind...it's people that get hung up on the hues...If I were single, yes I would not limit myself to sticking with just black men..because Golly by George...I love me some brown sugar in a man...but I will explore other cultures. Shoot my soul mate may be that cute, foxy Hispanic guy in the next office. I would be a fool to pass that by...Good topic Deedles.
ReplyDeleteLet
ReplyDeleteSorry Deedles..computer went whack..LOL Now, do you consider dating men from Africa interracial?...because Lawd have mercy..I thought I was going to kill an African in college--totally different...Now that is a challenge!
ReplyDeleteAmen Lee!
ReplyDeleteLOL...definitely counts as inter-cultural, if nothing else...if that's a word.
ReplyDeleteI just don't consider it at all! There are only a handful of african men that I'd ever consider dating and they aren't traditional. The africans I've had experiences with are very arrogant and basically assholes. It hasn't been until recently that I would even consider dating an african and sorry to say I wouldn't actively pursue it.
ReplyDeleteI'm annoyed with this Youtue audio.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to my SUCCESSFUL, SIX FIGURE EARNING friend on Saturday. I'm not sure how we got on the topic of interracial dating and marriage but (making a long story short) he told me that if a successful man wants to be with a sista then nothing can stop him. NOTHING - not work environment, surroundings, etc.
SOME men make pitiful ass excuses on why they date WHITE women (not date interracially but specifically white women).
Since I'm annoyed, let me say this and I'm gone - if a man is looking for love, he will not see color - he will date black, white, hispanic, indian, german, french, etc. He will not confine his self to just one race of women. If a successful black man want to be with/marry a black woman NOTHING WILL STAND IN HIS WAY.
I'm sick of the piss poor excuse people give to justify them dating another race. If you love a person fine but don't say "I'm surrounded by white women that throw themselves at me because I live in the burbs so thats why I'm dating a white woman." THATS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT!
Okay I'm upset. Multiply has caught 360itis.
ReplyDeleteOkay I said if a black man wants to meet a black woman he will. While I agree with some of what he said, I'm sorry there are too many networking opportunities, events, etc. to not find a sister if a black man really wants one. Living in the Burbs not with standing.