Why, Why, Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money? (good question!)

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? (HUM!)

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Blondes...

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat, which was hiding in the grass.

She rushed her cat, along with the tail, over to the closest WalMart.

Why WalMart?

Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooo?!?!

WalMart is the largest retailer in the world!

Kidney Disease and Diet

Ya'll let me know when you're tired of hearing about this.  For almost a year, I swore I wasn't going to yap about my kidneys and I didn't.  I don't want to overdo it, so just let me know.

One would think that with kidney disease, it would be easy.  Stay away from soda and other things known to be hard on your kidneys.  That's simply not true.  I've had to give up things...addictions, in the name of kidney disease.

As your kidneys fail, certain foods and drinks make them work harder to process things and high potassium foods do just that...

With a potassium controlled diet, you have to avoid the following high potassium foods:

Instant Breakfast
raw broccoli
pumpernickel, rye bread
bran, wheat germ   
granola, Grapenuts cereal
Dried fruits (apricots, dates, figs, prunes, raisins)
bananas
kiwi fruit
melon
nectarines
oranges, orange juice
prune juice
tangelos
brussel sprouts
mushrooms
parsnips
*potatoes, white or sweet, unless soaked
spinach and all other greens
squash, winter (acorn, butternut, hubbard)
tomato juice, vegetable juice cocktail
avocado
dried beans (pork and beans, butterbeans, navy, great northern, garbanzo, kidney *how ironic, lol*, lima, soybeans)
dried peas (cowpeas, black-eyed, split, lentils)
nuts
barbecue sauce, chili sauce
salt substitutes, lite salt
chocolate
coconut
brown sugar
molasses, sorghum
licorice
chewing tobacco  *gag*

Limit the following foods to the amounts listed, per day:

Milk - 1/2 cup
allowed fruits - 3-4 servings, 1/2 cup each
allowed vegetables - 3 servings, 1/2 cup each (limit tomatoes to 2 thin slices) *again gag*
coffee, tea - 3 cups
peanut butter - 2 tablespoons

As a general rule, canned fruits and vegetables, drained are lower in potassium than fresh.

*Eat no more than one serving of potatoes each day.  All potatoes, white or sweet, are to be presoaked before cooking.  Directions for presoaking potatoes are as follows:

1.  Peel potatoes and slice thin or dice into small cubes.
2.  Place cut up potatoes in bowl and cover with cold water.
3.  Soak the potatoes in water in the refrigerator overnight (at least 12 hours).
4.  Change the water by completely draining potatoes, then filling the bowl with fresh water.
5.  Rinse potatoes and cook in a large amount of fresh water until done.
6.  Do not use potato water for gravy, soup, etc.  Pour it down the drain.

That's too much damn playing.

By the way, surprisingly I may partake of clear sodas and rootbeer.  Seems dark sodas are made with phosphoric acid, which is very hard on your kidneys, so my monthly  PMS Pepsi and Snicker/Milky Way are things of the past.

Sent to me via text...thanks Deb

Isn't it ironic?
We ignore who adores us.
Adore who ignores us.
Hurt who loves us and
love who hurts us.

Before I Had A Child, I Didn't Know...

I often think about Starrdust and her impending Mommyhood and I remember the things that no one told me I'd experience and I'd probably ought to warn her about like:

Some baby girls have NO hair til about 2...but they might have pubic hair (THAT freaked me out)

There will come a time where you'll actually run TOWARD a child about to toss his/her cookies and you WILL attempt to catch what you can to avoid having to clean the carpet.

Sometimes a mother chooses to nurse and somehow their baby is allergic to their milk.

If your baby eats too much, projectile vomiting can cause them to literally throw up across the room ala Exorcist style.

One little smile can create a flood of neverending tears.

Sometimes when your baby suddenly unlatches from your nipple, he/she can get squirted in the face because the milk is still flowing.

If Daddy is being a smartass while baby is nursing, your other boobie can be used like a super soaker! LOL

Mommyhood is a WONDERFUL place, but it has some strange happenings.  Care to let her in on some of yours?

Donating a Kidney

Since I'll be soliciting body parts at some point, I thought I'd put this information here.  This information was found at the Mayo Clinic Website.

Frequently Asked Questions about Living Donor Kidney Transplant

• Who can be a kidney donor?
• How do you donate a kidney?
• What risks are associated with kidney donation?
• When is the transplant scheduled?
• How is the donation surgery performed?
• Will I need any follow-up evaluations?

Who can be a kidney donor?
While it is not necessary for living donors to be related to the recipient, they are usually friends or relatives. The decision to donate an organ is important and must be made by the person and his or her loved ones. You should not, under any circumstances, feel pressured to donate an organ. Our experienced transplant team stands ready to advise and assist you in this process.

General requirements of living kidney donors are:

• age 18 to 70 years
• good general health
• normal kidney function and anatomy, as determined in the evaluation process

Conditions that would exclude a person as a living kidney donor:

• diabetes
• certain forms of cancer
• intravenous drug use
• certain infectious diseases, such as AIDS or hepatitis

How do you donate a kidney?
When you agree to donate a kidney, you need to be evaluated at Mayo Clinic's Dialysis and Transplant Center. You will first have a brief telephone interview. Based on this information, a kit for blood sampling may be mailed to you. You then take this kit to your local medical lab or hospital and have a blood sample drawn. Instructions for mailing the samples to Mayo Clinic are included in the kit.

If these results prove suitable, you will need to have a medical evaluation to make certain that the donation will not cause you harm. Much of this can be performed by your own health-care providers.

At a suitable time the donor must travel to Rochester to meet with a Mayo Clinic nephrologist (kidney specialist) and surgeon and complete the assessment. These Mayo physicians will discuss all aspects of the testing and donation with you.

If at any time a test result shows that you do not meet the criteria for donation, the evaluation is stopped. One of every five potential donors is found not to be suitable for donation.

What risks are associated with kidney donation?
Although some risks are associated with any major operation, donating one kidney does not pose a major risk to a healthy donor. Studies show that the remaining kidney will continue function normally and will compensate for the loss of the other kidney.

Kidney donation should not restrict or interfere with your lifestyle after full recovery from the surgery. There is no routine need for any special diet or medication after donation.

When is the transplant scheduled?
When a suitable donor is identified, the transplant is scheduled at a convenient time for both donor and recipient. Every attempt is made to identify a time convenient for both parties. This is usually four to eight weeks after the completion of the evaluation. Donor and recipient both return to Rochester a few days before the transplant.

How is the donation surgery performed?
The term "nephrectomy" refers to the surgical removal of a kidney. Two types of surgery can be used to accomplish this:

• Laparoscopic Donor Nephrectomy
  This operation is performed by using a "scope" to peer into the abdomen through a small incision. This approach makes it possible to locate, secure, and remove the kidney through a surprisingly small wound. This "minimally invasive" surgery allows for a faster recovery than with the traditional operation. Donors are generally able to leave the hospital one or two days after the surgery and can often resume work within two to three weeks.
  
  
• Traditional Donor Nephrectomy
  This operation is performed using an incision across the flank on one side of the back. The kidney is secured and removed under direct vision. Most donors need to stay in the hospital for four to five days and can usually resume work in three to six weeks, depending on the type of work they do. This method is widely used in other transplant centers, but is rarely required at Mayo Clinic.

Will I need any follow-up evaluations?
Six to nine months following your surgery you will need to have blood and urine tests and be evaluated by a nephrologist. The kidney transplant coordinator will schedule these follow-up tests, which do not require a stay in the hospital. The results will give a good indication of the function of your remaining kidney.

Kidney Disease Can Hit ANYONE

Talk about hitting home...I NEVER read Dear Abby anymore, but somehow 2 days later, this was a headline on Yahoo for me. GET TESTED!!!

DEAR ABBY: I was a healthy, vibrant mother of one with a steady government job. I saw my doctor regularly for checkups, since both my parents have high blood pressure. As an active, health-conscious vegetarian, I thought I was at my physical peak.

When I experienced nausea and lower back pain, I expected my doctor to tell me my 4-year-old daughter was going to have a sister or brother. Instead, I was informed that my kidneys were barely working and I needed to see a specialist at once. That's when my life began spinning out of control. I was told I would need dialysis to keep me alive!

How could this happen? Where were the warning signs and symptoms? Why wasn't my kidney function checked during previous doctor visits? There were no answers to these questions.

No one in my family was able to donate a kidney to me because everyone had high blood pressure. So I went on dialysis and learned everything I could about kidney disease. After 10 years of dialysis, I finally received a successful kidney transplant.

Many people don't realize that high blood pressure and diabetes are the two leading causes of kidney disease. More than 26 million Americans have chronic kidney disease, and millions more are at risk. Screening for kidney function is not part of a routine physical examination, and kidney disease generally shows no symptoms -- so if you have a family history of high blood pressure or diabetes, you are at risk.

Simple blood and urine tests could save your life. So please don't put off what you can take care of today. Tomorrow could be too late. -- DAWN P. EDWARDS, LAKE SUCCESS, N.Y.

DEAR DAWN: Thank you for your informative eye-opener of a letter. I am pleased that you finally got your kidney transplant because I know what a life-changing difference it has made for you and your daughter -- truly a new beginning.

Readers, March is National Kidney Month, and March 13 is World Kidney Day. That's the day the National Kidney Foundation holds free screenings in 30 cities across the country. The screening program is called "KEEP," or Kidney Early Evaluation Program.

You can learn more about kidney disease by visiting www.kidney.org. To find the KEEP screening nearest you, log onto www.keeponline.org, or call the National Kidney Foundation toll-free at 800-622-9010.