Deedles ~ The Phoenix Rising **WARNING** it's a little graphic

I've been trying to write this for weeks, but I think after unloading on my innanet sweetie this weekend, I believe I'm ready to do this.

I've been on dialysis for 18 days now...9 sessions.  Three days a week.  I feel good.  I've lost 22 pounds (sorry guys, it was mostly from my booty).  I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in 3 years.

It wasn't easy at first though.  The first day, I dialyzed at the hospital and everything was all foo foo and private and they fed you and you had a private nurse.

The next day, it was at a dialysis center and there were about 12 of us and 2 nurses and a bunch of techs.  There is no eating.

The first day I walked in a black guy that appeared to be in his early 60's hollered at me from his chair "Woo Woo Woo!!".  He asked the nurses why they sat me so far from him, did they think he'd bite me?  Then he looked at me and said I won't bite. 

Those of you who know me, know I looked him dead in his eyes and said you probably ought to worry about me biting you! And we've been friends from that day forward.

I can't lie, I went in all depressed.  Thinking I'm too young for this.  I don't want to be here with all these old people, etc.

The first person I met, Will, went to school with my parents.  Then George was the guy who yelled at me (I later found out he will be 50, dude's been tippin the bottle or something).  There's Harry, a white man, probably in his 70's and there's another man, I don't know his name, but he's a white guy in his early 40's.  We all dialyze around the same time at in the same area. 

We are a lively bunch and we clown back and forth til we fall asleep one by one.  But we each decided that kidney failure is NOT going to defeat us and we act as such.

I use the time I'm there to listen to Kenneth Copeland and Joyce Meyer and to read healing scriptures. I know I wouldn't be hearing and studying if I didn't have this "quiet" time.

Now the other side of the room is another story.  These people have given up.  They look like the walking dead.  Just defeated coming in the door.  They complain, they don't follow directions and some of them come in right out of bed, not bothering to even change clothes or comb their hair.  I hope I'm an example to them...

I come in looking like I'm headed for the office...hair did, nails did, with a lil pep in my step.

It hasn't been all wine and roses however...The second time I dialyzed (7/29), my vein blew and it was like nothing I've ever felt.  My arm immediately began burning and a nurse had to run over to turn off the machine and she found that my blood had clotted up the machine.

Well, that meant the port they had in my arm was unusable (I'm still pretty bruised) and they had to do what I kept telling the doctor I was too cute for...put tubes in my neck.

I had to be at the hospital at 11 am, the day my vein blew and they told me at 9, so I had to rush and find transportation, find a place for my kids to go, find someone to come up there with me.

I would NEVER wish this surgery on ANYONE...First of all, I was in there by 11 and they got around to me at 4.

I was NOT given general anesthesia, but a local IN MY NECK!  and they have a tube in my neck, hooked up to my jugular vein.  I was awake the whole time and it felt like he was jerking me. 

There came a point when I had to hold my breath for about 10-15 seconds, which doesn't seem long, but when they tell you that you CAN'T breathe, you panic and it just ain't good.  Well, they did that twice.

I was in serious pain for a couple of weeks, but I admit my sessions have gone very well since.  It used to hurt to laugh, cough, clear my throat.  It still hurts to lean forward to pick something up. 

I'll tell you, without some of you, I wouldn't have been able to stay upbeat.  I love you and I thank you.  I'm working on restoring my faith and waiting for my healing.

The devil can try, but like that story about the Phoenix, I'm still gonna rise (it still got me 2nd place in a certain contest LOL!).