Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

My uncle is 6 years younger than me and almost 10 years ago got married for the first time. He and his fiance got matching tongue rings and their names tattooed on each other. They were so in love. Well prior to meeting her, he was a player to center of his heart. For reasons unknown, he was able to snag a PK (preacher's kid) and she was who he propsed to.

I remember the wedding day vividly. My sister and I sat on the right side of the sanctuary on the row behind my grandparents. Somewhere mid ceremony, my sister started counting 1-2-3-4 of my uncles ex-girlfriends in the congregation.

Did this negro have a death wish? Was he crazy to invite them? Are they crazy enough that they all crashed the wedding?

Well, as you can imagine, when it got the part where they ask if there's any reason why the couple shouldn't be joined, there were quite a few people holding their breath, including my uncle. (Did I mention it was the father of bride performing the ceremony?)

It was funny seeing him regain his color when that moment passed. I personally have never witnessed a wedding where someone actually stood up and said something. (Though I've been to a few where the subliminal messages were flowing freely.)

Unfortunately the first marriage didn't work out (I found later she was a rebound chick and they shouldn't have married in the first place) and my uncle is now on his second.

The first wife's name tattoo is now covered with a tiger and his tongue ring is out because he's a police officer in the Chicago suburbs.

What my question to you is, have you ever attended a wedding where someone actually stood up and protested? Tell us about it!

I thought this was appropriate for some cake tops, LOL.

What's In A Name?

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet;

We've talked over and over again about the ridiculous names that folks have and can come up with.  I want to hear the names you love.  The names you might have had picked out for your child(ren).  The names of friends children that you absolutely adore.

Myself?  I love names of two of my Ply friends' children, Gianna and Garvey.  I'm partial to last names as first names, such as Jordan and Kennedy.  I like Jada and Paige.

What names do you like?

What do I see when I look at me?

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Sometimes I see a beautiful woman (thank you DNA!) who has her feelings in check. A winning attitude and a smile that no one can take away.

Sometimes I see a counselor, always willing to listen to a friend in need, offering advice only when asked, not repeating what I’ve been told.

Sometimes a see a strong black mother, raising 2 sons, holding 2 jobs and doing what I have to do to keep things running.

Sometimes I feel like I’m on candid camera, like just now when my son called me to announce that he wasn’t circumcised (Tha Hell?) I assured him that he was before he ever left the hospital. He thanked me. *blank stare*

Sometimes I feel like a joke. I paint a wonderful picture of someone who has things together when I know I don’t. I’m a renter, not a homeowner although I’ve held a job at the same place for over 17 years.  That bothers me.  I'm doing something about it.

Sometimes, like now, I feel like a window that’s just been hit with a rock. Cracked, but not quite broken. It will take the smallest thing to send me in pieces, falling to the ground.  (I know, I've broken before).

Sometimes I feel like I’m on a continuous roller coaster ride that slows down near the exit and just when I think I'm about to get off, it goes speeding past and takes me for another round.

Sometimes I just feel ugly. Sometimes I feel every ounce I carry, especially when I hear my friends talk about another fat person as if I don’t weigh the same, maybe more. I just paste a fake smile and keep listening.  I feel like I’ve always been pretty enough for someone to try and screw, but not enough for most to date...the cause of my lack of love and at times self hate.

I know that’s just the devil because God doesn’t make mistakes and I know He loves me, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I do.

Please tell me…What do I look like from your view?

 

Originally posted Septemeber 2006

I have really overcome a lotta shit!

You Are Not Alone - A Post For Gi Wizzle

Sis, your post last night has caused me to dig up some more 360 blogs.  Awhile back I was heavily depressed and after having Erykah Badu's Bag Lady on repeat for several hours, made a promise to myself that I was gonna start tossing baggage a little at a time because I was so tired of carrying it with me everywhere.  I'm sure I was labeled an attention whore at some point, but I didn't care.  I finally had my feelings about certain happenings out in the open and then I was able to free myself from the depression that locked me down.

I'll be the first person to say that I think I've been through an ungodly amount of shit to begin with and my life would probably make a great Lifetime movie.  Here goes...

College, the fun years, the dumb years.

All about the party. Kappa House. Western Illinois University.

Hangin’ with about 4 of my girls.

Alcohol from a trash can. Not Q-Oil, can’t remember what the Kappa’s called it.

Safe sleeping in the living room with everyone else, right? Not. People with alcohol induced sleep often hear nothing.

He came in to the living room. Woke me up and told me I could sleep in his bed instead of sharing the couch with someone else. That sounded cool at the time DUMMY!!

I get in the room and cuddle up under the covers. It’s a big bed. Made sense at the time.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Stop! Scratch. Hit. Scratch. Hit Scre-(hand smash over my mouth)

Forearm across my throat.

Hand pulling down my pants. Do I scream and hope someone hears me? If I do will he hurt me more?

If I calm down and just let him do what the hell he wants to do, I’ll be able to leave sooner and maybe it won’t hurt as much.

I give in and figure a little hurt is better than a lot. That’s not really consent. Is it? He gets what he wants and rolls over and goes to sleep. Yes, just that confident. He’s KAPPA ALPHA PSI---BLACK PRETTY BOY. I run to the bathroom and curl up and cry. A knock at the door. I yell go away. It’s a friend.

I don’t let her in. I can’t face anyone. I feel dirty. It’s my fault. I should have fought.

She finally says she’ll go to the bathroom and we can leave. I let her in. She sees I’m a mess. Doesn’t know what to say. I say how about “Let’s go”.

We walk out the door with the other girls. I don’t say a word. Neither does she.

We sit at the Amtrak station and hope someone from school drops someone off. I’m ready to walk 20 miles back to school. We finally get a ride. Silence. Get back to school. Silence. I try to shower my skin off, but I still feel dirty. Silence to the shower floor. I cry silently.

My friend later tells me she heard the commotion, but her boyfriend convinced her we were having a little fun.

Silence. Graduation. Silence. 1^st job. Silence. Present job.

Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. 13 more years of silence.

Everything I’ve been through finally weighs so hard on me I have to tell someone. I talk to them, I feel a little better, but more silence. I never report him. I finally tell my sister last year. I need to get it off my chest and out in the open again so I can deal with it and it can stop haunting me.

360. Tell it all. Don’t try to comfort. Comfort has already come. It’s out. I finally have gotten rid of the load. One more story. This one is finished. Pray that it will never hurt me again. I have overcome. The lust of a Kappa whose name I'll never forget.

Originally posted February 2006

Reactions

I know we've talked about phobias on occasion, but I want to know what you do when you see that "thing" that gets under your skin.

I was minding my own business, surfing, I mean working and I heard a co-worker call her daughter's name several times (she was outside on break).  I thought something was wrong, so I peeked over my monitor to see her daughter standing on the curb, facing the street, body rigid. 

For a split second I was concerned, but then I saw a reflection in the window that let me know exactly what was going on.  This child has a phobia of "little people" and one was about to walk past.  I'm sorry, I got a cramp in my stomach from laughing so hard.  My co-worker had previously told me about this phobia, but until I saw it in action...

My son told me that my dad screamed while driving down the street because he saw a snake in the road.  (I love my dad, but snakes turn him into a ...never mind, LOL).

Now I, myself?  I'll turn my head when I see a clown.  I'll run my fat ass out the door if I see any kind of rodent (UGGGGGGGGGGH rememberin' the bat) and OH MY GAWWWD if I see a possum, dead or alive, it's on!  My kids always know if it's a dead possum we pass because I holler and then get chills up and down my spine til I shake it off.

What do you do when you come across something you hate?

I don't know what the woman in the video is watching, but that shit is FUNNNNNNNNYY!!!!

 

Borrowed from Robin

I agree with all but the first paragraph

 

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is high. You've loved, lost, and loved again. You have had a wide range of love experiences. And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is medium. In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time." You usually find it easy to be part of a couple. But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

I Love You Enough

I Love You Enough
I love you enough to share the good and the bad
I will love you when you're happy or sad
I am here for you, for whatever it be
Remember, no matter what, you can talk to me

I promise to listen and never turn away
I want to hear all you have to say
I love you so much, I want you to know
No matter what, my love will continue to grow

I will always be here, to hold you when you cry
I will always be here, to dry the tears from your eye
I will hug you when you laugh, pick you up when you fall
Just remember darlin', with me you have it all
Cathy (Cookie) Carletti © 2007