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Sometimes I see a beautiful woman (thank you DNA!) who has her feelings in check. A winning attitude and a smile that no one can take away.
Sometimes I see a counselor, always willing to listen to a friend in need, offering advice only when asked, not repeating what I’ve been told.
Sometimes a see a strong black mother, raising 2 sons, holding 2 jobs and doing what I have to do to keep things running.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on candid camera, like just now when my son called me to announce that he wasn’t circumcised (Tha Hell?) I assured him that he was before he ever left the hospital. He thanked me. *blank stare*
Sometimes I feel like a joke. I paint a wonderful picture of someone who has things together when I know I don’t. I’m a renter, not a homeowner although I’ve held a job at the same place for over 17 years. That bothers me. I'm doing something about it.
Sometimes, like now, I feel like a window that’s just been hit with a rock. Cracked, but not quite broken. It will take the smallest thing to send me in pieces, falling to the ground. (I know, I've broken before).
Sometimes I feel like I’m on a continuous roller coaster ride that slows down near the exit and just when I think I'm about to get off, it goes speeding past and takes me for another round.
Sometimes I just feel ugly. Sometimes I feel every ounce I carry, especially when I hear my friends talk about another fat person as if I don’t weigh the same, maybe more. I just paste a fake smile and keep listening. I feel like I’ve always been pretty enough for someone to try and screw, but not enough for most to date...the cause of my lack of love and at times self hate.
I know that’s just the devil because God doesn’t make mistakes and I know He loves me, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling the way I do.
Please tell me…What do I look like from your view?
I have really overcome a lotta shit!
