Some folks might think I’m off my rocker for having my baby nieces as much as I do. After all, I’m nearly 40 and my “baby” is going to be 11 in a few months. Why would I want to spend so much time changing diapers, mid-night feedings and such...double time at that?
Those of you who were connected to me on 360 probably remember how devastated I was when I had to get my tubes tied. My “plan” was to find the man of my dreams by 40 (HAH!), marry him and have his baby, my last. My one more chance for a girl...
Well, when I was diagnosed with kidney disease, that dream went up in smoke. Another pregnancy would drain the remaining function they had and I’d be on dialysis from that point on.
I didn’t want to hear that. I threw myself a giant pity party and wallowed until one of my friends went “sistagurl” on my ass and got me straight. Made me look at the life and children I already have and reminded me that you can appreciate what you’ve got or in hindsight appreciate what you had if it’s taken from you.
I had the surgery almost right away (as if I was having sex then) but I wasn’t ok with it for a few months. Shortly after I finally accepted it and dealt with it, I heard that my brother possibly had another child on the way. He never said a word to me about it, so I took that news with a grain of salt.
One spring day he came into my office and announced that my nieces were about to make their debut...that day. Wow. By the time he got back to the hospital, they were here. I fell for them that day.
I felt a little cheated because I found out at such a late date that they were coming. I didn’t get to rub the belly to feel them kick or have the opportunity to really get to expect them (I think only parents will understand that statement).
With the accounts of Lil FiGi (via journal and blogs), I not only get to live vicariously through Starrdust, but I remember what my personal experiences were along the way of my pregnancies. I suppose that the combination of the babies and Starr’s writings are what I needed to get over my “loss” because I’m enjoying my babies and am anxiously awaiting little Gianna’s arrival.